Fragrances

Back in 2004, Trump decided to team up with Estée Lauder and not only release a scent but an entire “fragrance experience.”

Oh yes, that’s right. We’re talking about a $13 cologne that comes in a gold box with little notes of mint, citrus, basil, cucumber, green notes, wood, and vetiver.

It has no less than 4.5/5 stars on Amazon, a beautiful mix of ironic and sincere reviews of the product.

For all the patriots out there, I have to mention that vetiver is a perennial bunchgrass of the Poaceae family, a native to India that steals jobs from Panicum virgatum, a bunchgrass grown in our beloved country.

Moreover, Trump returned to fragrances once again with his Success and Empire colognes, which seem to be a part of a broader deal technically centered around shampoo and other types of grooming products (which is definitely a bad idea for a very good reason that doesn’t even need to be mentioned).

Technically, it’s on sale at Macy’s, and it’s highly “recommended for romantic wear.” I mean, let’s be honest: nothing really says romance like dousing your body in his eau de toilette before grabbing them by the cr*tch!